My Movement...

There is much I wish to write about...many happenings and moments I would like to record...All that I need now is some order of thought...

Today was the art show at our lovely little island...I ended up entering five of my painting...all which are a bit missing in action...I went back after the art show was over and there was no sign of people or my art work...hmm...? Oh well they shall turn up soon, Marquette isn't that big...I mean someone out of 20,000 people must have them! But anyway back to the art show...My sister, Jimme, Jordan, and I hiked around the island observing the quite interesting and at times odd art pieces. At one point the trail breaks off leading to a look out balcony that is basically on a cliff a few hundred feet about the lake...Oh my goodness talk about spiritually moving! You could see so far out onto the ice-covered Superior...you could see the dangerously high, sharp cliffs...They are literally straight down into deep deep water...So beautiful! This is one of my favorite places to be in the summer, and I have actually never experienced it in the dead of winter...After our art-filled, snowy, hike we ventured down to Dead River Coffee....Oh how I love that place in all its bizarre-ness...Every time I go there the coffee I order never tastes as it should or as it is expected to taste...their espresso shots are strong! There is so much to see there, the walls and every free space if filled with random objects....I never fail to find something new and completely questionable. Today I found a old rubber chicken stuffed in a black little girl's dress shoe.....? This was just set on the front counter like it was always meant to be just there. Last time I found a miniature book of remedies handwritten and illustrated...Let's just say that a few of the "remedies" were a bit, um....weird? described in a "colourful" way...haha...it was great....Oh I know you really don't care any more, especially at this point...but let me just add for myself the fact that they have a tied up bouquet of roses hanging by the door...I love that.

I am reading The Yellow Wallpaper...again....again.................again


Life is moving and progressing for me...I find it interesting when people say that life at times feels so stagnant or still...I have almost never felt life to be still...just myself. It seems that no matter how my heart is broken, or over-filled with joy, life keeps its movement. Sometimes it even feels cruel that it should move leaving me behind...and then sometimes I am glad that it does. See, I myself may feel so still...but even then it almost is never a peaceful still...The only still I know to be true and restful is the still of faith in our God. I often wonder about time and how it is to be used...Ecclesiastes tells of a time for everything...but I do not think that we take the time or even realize the time for everything....So often I just wish to keep moving restlessly with the flow of life...but there must be a time for grief...right? There must be a time to rest? I think that I have spent much time filling every aspect of my life with movement and progression, but maybe now is not the time for that movement...I never took the time to grieve for the things that have been torn from me...I never took the time to rest...I just swallowed what was handed without question. And then I started moving and trying not to stop...Still is almost something fearful, for still holds the thoughts that never seem to have an end. Rest is hard for me...grief is hard for me...because I have never viewed it as a means to an end. Maybe I am scared of becoming consumed, or losing control. I believe that grief is like a series of unanswerable questions that have aroused from some sort of loss or pain. And it feels as though it will never end until all answers are found...I think that is what I am afraid of. So I just skipped that whole stage.

On with living...Soon it will be time for some major decisions to be made. Indiana or Marquette...MAC internship or NMU English program....How do you chose? How do you ever really know? I feel a very strong pull to the ministry internship down and Muncie Alliance Church in Indiana...My heart lies in living community of His people...My passion flows for the ministering of wandering hearts...How will I live...where will I end up? Where is the balance or line between complete trust in God and being realistic and responsible in your choices? So many questions and uncertainties...Please pray for me.

Oh I have such hope and Joy in my heart...though I miss dear beloved ones...though I struggle with uncertainty and heaviness...What strong Love God has inlaid in my heart...How peaceful is His certainty. Please recognize what Joy is...and please don't ever let the world tear who He has woven you to be out of you.

This is such a long post...I honestly don't even know what I am writing about anymore...I just keep letting words drip out of my fingertips as they form words on my keyboard...at times I will realize that I'm not exactly sure where I am going with any of this...I don't even know how much of this is coherent...Oh well that is me...deal.

Update on my reading progress of Velvet Elvis...Read this book people...you don't have to agree with it...you can get get edgy, frustrated, confused...I hope you do...because this is why I follow Christ...This is why what I believe is truth...Because my God is big enough for all the questions...maybe religion isn't. My God can handle what we can't...maybe religion won't...My God wants and takes all honesty...sometimes religion doesn't like that so much...honesty tends to be messy...and there are so many ways of Christianity...so many ways to believe the writings of the Bible...But in the end we who follow Jesus believe that He died for us...that Salvation came through his death and our belief in Him...And we can all wrestle, contemplate, discuss, our faith. There is room for doubt, room for questions, and there is room for everyone...That is Love...that is Truth...This is our Movement and this is how we Live...Let the progression of Jesus move on!

Oh goodness...It is time for me to bring all these restless thoughts to a close...I love you ever so much...May you all Live on in the movement of His Love and Peace...