HOT SHOT

Ever moving...

2009-07-14T12:40:00.002-04:00

Haven't written here since before I left for Deeper Life...

And life has become deeper, crazier, scarier, harder, more fun, stressful, real, alive, tiring, hopeful...and the list goes on. I just want to be free and alive...

Also...I just want to be honest and say that I am not a huge fan of Blogspot...I just don't care for the set up...and I am quite attached to my original blog at www.apeacefulstill.wordpress.com . I though that this new place of writing would encourage me to journal life's events and the learning process of just living, which it did for a while. But when I look at my sidebar on wordpress and see my list of archives and months that I have been writing and sharing there I just feel so happy...I have been writing on wordpress since September '08, almost a year! I know it's more of my creative writing style, more artsy, more emotional, more lyrical, and poetic...but really that is more me than this is sometimes...because most of the time when I stand back with everything stripped away, that is how I see life. I see scribbled poems, future songs, folk and world melodies, abstract paintings, bright vivid colours, deep earthen tones, rich, smooth memories...and that is how I like to write about life. I don't really think I am much of an analytical documenting kind of a person, I can certainly pull it off if I want to, but I would rather keep writing in my dreamlike, Utopian style...I am a dreamer, I am hopeful, I am filled with wonder and streaming emotion...and I would like to keep it that way. So with all of that lengthily said I guess that maybe I will keep this blog up from time to time, or maybe not...I'm not sure yet...but I will be writing more often on wordpress, where my memories, stories, poems, songs, pictures, and life is stored. So I hope that you will continue to follow both and find inspiration through it all.

Thoughts from Walmart.

2009-06-12T01:06:00.003-04:00

before I start let me just note that it is after one in the morning...so there is a pretty big possibility that most of this will be quite interesting...as in most of it should probably be left in my head.

I had a pretty long day starting with running the He-Brews mqt. coffee shop while my dear Hannah and Alex were preparing to embark on their journey of shows, family wedding, music fests and other such awesome activities. The day went well and I felt so blessed to be there. And I felt like I was right where I needed to be.

Then I went to walmart. That line in itself should evoke very dramatic feelings. Because Walmart can be a very horrid place. So sometimes I feel like its my job to make Walmart more down- homey/dramatic/hippy-ish/interesting. So I went around talking to random people whom all blatantly ignored me...it was sad...first it started with my wondering aloud on why Crayola had to make their watercolour paints washable, it made no sense to me at all, whats worse is they don't even give you a regular paint option...so now even crayola is taking on the socialist stance and telling me what kind of paints I have to paint with. LAME. That ordeal was followed by my mother asking the walmart stocking guy to open a shipping box of Kleenex so she could select the one she needed.......wellllll I just had to go and tell him that the colours of the kleenex boxes that were packed on top would not do because they didn't match the walls of our house...and I also told him that we were very particular about that, because Kleenex boxes were a serious part of our home decor...both him and my mother ignored me. I said I was kidding, didn't help apparently. Then I ventured into the coffee isle ( I know its practically a sin when in Walmart) but I was staying far away from Foldger's fresh roasted sawdust to seek out some good tea, which Walmart happens to have...sometimes. Anyway Anna walks down the isle and says "just get your coffee and lets go!" to which I replied (in the general direction of the boy unpacking the coffee) "I would never buy coffee from and institution such as this!" ..."obama" ....then he looked at me, and I looked at him...he ignored me so I left. I tell you its impossible to make friends in walmart!!! I even tried with the check out guy but he didn't talk at all even when I asked him if I was annoying him. Walmart is a sad case. We should pray for walmart...maybe.

I decided that Northern isn't for me either...because I was informed that classes were pretty full...so why be an english major if I have to settle for cheap karate credits? In all honesty though, I am still praying about everything and really looking forward to this coming week at Deeper Life where I can imerse my self in the word and in the direction that He is calling me...I know that I can and should be doing that all the time...but lately I have become so discouraged and exhausted from it all. I think its because I have been ignoring God when He has been saying " Sarah, come...I will give you rest....Just get in my word and I will show you things you have never seen before" Its like I'm a walmart worker or something towards Him. Im not fake, I don't pretend to have it all together, I don't pretend to be super spiritual or have a deep perfect relationship with God when I know I need to work on things. I know that part of my problem is that I haven't been in the word enough...I understand, so I don't ask for sympathy, but encouragement...I don't ask for answers, but for prayer. God is still the focus of my life...He is my rhthym, I mean that honestly...Im just not always on the same beat.

Hey I just wanted to write real quick about a certain metal band that I find pretty inspiring and amazing...their name is Abide and they hail from the beautiful town of Marquette...hey I live there! Those guys are out there on the frontlines of music...well in our area atleast...and they are living and breathing what they preach...not like they are perfect saints, but the fight everyday to stay in the race. What they do is their ministry, not some dream to make millions under the "christian" banner. So check them out and support them please http://www.myspace.com/abidebandEven if you are like me and not so into the metal scene, I love what they are doing and thats what matters...plus those boys are pretty talented...just saying. Annndddd as our He-brews family would say, they are br00tal. Speaking of which lift up He-Brews and everything they do in prayer, they are amazing people.

It's probably time that I go to sleep. I have big plans for tomorrow. Love you.

In Prayer

2009-06-08T13:27:00.002-04:00

My Brothers, my sisters....

If anyone has caused grief, he has not so much grieved me as he has grieved all of you, to some extent-not to put it too severely.

The punishment inflicted on him by the majority is sufficient for him

Now instead, you ought to forgive and comfort him, so that he will not be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow.

I urge you, therefore, to reaffirm your love for him.

The reason I wrote you was to see if you would stand the test and be obedient in everything.

If you forgive anyone, I also forgive him. And what I have forgiven-if there was anything to forgive-I have forgiven in the sight of Christ for your sake, in order that Satan might not outwit us. For we are not unaware of his schemes.
2 Corinthians 2:5-11

Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord
See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.
Hebrews 12:14-15

Let us lift up our hands just as they are so that they may be washed clean and pure. Let us hold on to the ones among us who have hurt and are hurting. We must love.

I love you who are heavy upon my heart...I look at you and see God's child, do not become illegitimate, but claim your blood line.

All my Love and Peace....stay gold,

S.

Was called to....?

2009-06-03T11:47:00.002-04:00

Today I flipped open my bible...mainly because I am supposed to, sometimes it gets way too easy just to read a few verses just to shake the guilt or so you can raise your hand in church when the preacher asks if you are in the word everyday. Blah. But anyway what I read was way encouraging to me, so I wanted to share because some you brothers and sisters need this too.

Ever since I first heard of your strong faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for Christians everywhere,I have never stopped thanking God for you. I pray for you constantly, asking God, the glorious Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, to give you spiritual wisdom and understanding, so that you might grow in your knowledge of God.

I pray that your hearts will be flooded with light so that you can understand the wonderful future he has promised to those he called. I want you to realize what a rich and glorious inheritance he has given to his people.

I pray that you will begin to understand the incredible greatness of his power for us who believe him. This is the same mighty power.
Ephesians 1:15-19 (NLT)

For Today

2009-06-01T14:20:00.002-04:00

I am considering staying here in Marquette. Without any specific plan, which is almost scarier than moving to Indiana and hoping that Alliance is going to get me somewhere. It feels like the door for Alliance is slowly almost gently closing. I sit here and take a deep breath because I am ok with staying here, but it's just a bit frustrating, I feel like I have been lead all over.

A friend told me recently that if I wanted God to lead me somewhere that I had better start walking. What a concept, haha...Sometimes I think that I just sit here and cry out that I don't know where to go, but God isn't going to spell it out in the sand or something...I need to take those steps and see where I end up...I also believe that as long as we are focused on God and willing do what He wants, then he will work through and bless whatever we do.

But anyway I am happy to be residing in this Love song of life...His love song. My perfect rhthym...The Strong Melody.

The Strong Melody

2009-05-25T13:01:00.004-04:00

Today is a pretty darn beautiful day...the trees have erupted in green leaves and the branches of the cherry trees are heavy with pure, white flowers. Oh how He loves us! There is something about this spring that feels so much like freedom for me...Winter was long, cold, and tiring. The earth has been set free from the icy arms of winter and now we can all breathe as water again is flowing and there is song from deep within the winds, from the breath of the newborn.

Let us become like spring...maybe just re-birth a little...let our spirits flow again and our song be in His rhythm. Let us break through dark earth to unfold our hearts before his feet as do the flowers of the fields. Restore once again our breathing green, our vibrant gardens...Let us burst forth with life. Spending each morning rising and turning towards the Son, the days laying in His light, and nights swaying to His evening melodies. I want to feel the sun set on my chest...and the cool night air un-do my day. To be restored. His people will be restored, made new like the land has come alive. How I want His breath to fill up my lungs.

And then...Let there be a movement of His people...let us rise and bring healing to the nations...a cool water to the thirsty...peace for the weary...Rest, restoration.

Stand Still No More...

2009-05-12T09:05:00.003-04:00

As usual too many days have slipped in between posts...and every time I write something new it starts out with that same obvious statement.

I was reading psalms today...I haven't read psalms in a really long time...but I think that it is one of those books that you always go back to...well maybe just for me...but I lived off of Psalms for the longest time...When things in my life were not so pretty and where I was felt like a wasteland. The fact that David openly wrote to his God about his depression, pain, hardship, his want for death, and pleas for deliverance astound me. In one chapter he was extolling his LORD in the highest possible way, threading together lines describing His awesome power and presence, but in the next he was barely breathing, barely holding on...asking God why? This is hard for me, because in the churches that I grew up in and the "christian" groups and settings that I spent time in you didn't talk about things like that. If you had a problem, or sin, or some kind of issue you just were told to pray about it maybe go get professional help. It was like everything had to be kept pretty and together, so you had all these groups that consisted of hiding broken people and they wonder why things never got anywhere. You have to take care of the body. If we are not ready to heal each other's cuts then why are we here? Why keep inviting people in out of the world to only bring them so far? Why is depression and self-injury looked upon like a huge sin that can't be cleansed? Why do we as Christians have to be together and pretty all the time? Where does that get us? Maybe if we were open about where we were at and others were accepting and ready to heal then this "Jesus' life and love" thing might be just a little bit easier to grasp...just a bit more realistic. So after all that I just wanted to say that I find great encouragement from the Psalms.

I pray that we are filled with a thirst for God....for Breath....for Spirit....that we pursue Him with everything that we have...I don't want to be complacent...I don't want to be a part of nice "christian" programs and ministries that aren't really putting themselves out there. I grow so tired of standing still. Where are we going? Do we even want to go bad enough. I wonder what could happen if we recklessly centered our lives around Him who has saved us? Im not so sure its enough to call your self a christian, to maybe follow the "do not" rules....is it really enough to live a nice life going to church on sundays, maybe a bible study on wednesday? Why do you go? Really, w h y d o y o u g o ? Is there a point? Wake up Oh Sleeper and rise from the dead..let the light of Christ shine upon you. IT IS NOT ENOUGH TO MERELY SLEEP THROUGH LIFE EVEN IF YOU FOLLOW THE RULES...are you living in LOVE are you inspired and moved by the Spirit?

May you realize that there is more to be breathed...more to love...places to reach...may you be filled to the point of overflowing so that you can spill throughout the world.

Catching up

2009-05-02T09:09:00.002-04:00

Try to ignore the fact that about two weeks have passed in between these posts...as I am writing this I am even doubting that it will actually be completed...I have to leave for work soon...

Mornings are my favorite time of day...nothing is as amazing waking up early and watching the earth wake up around you...It is already pretty late, around 9:30 but the sky is blue and the sun is pretty high...today is going to be good...I can feel the energy starting to move, getting ready for the day.

I dont have very much in the way of life updates...just refocusing and redefining my relationship with our God...simplfying life...stripping away everything that is not of Him...My application is done for Muncie Alliance and will probably be sent out Monday...

Alright there are dishes to do and tea to drink before I leave...may His peace and deep energy run with you today.

It's snowing...whatever!

2009-04-21T09:38:00.005-04:00

Today is April 21st...nothing too significant about that...except for the fact that we all woke up to a very "fairytale" scene...Over a foot a beautiful, glittering snow covering every surface of our MQT world...Now, I personally find this all to be awesome and pretty, especially since school was canceled...haha! yes!

Speaking of school...I am done! I graduated myself about a month ago...finished up my transcripts and I can't believe that High school has already come and gone...wow. So now I am in the process of finishing my application for the internship at Muncie Alliance Church...the prospects of ministry are so exciting for me, but still I am apprehensive...because Indiana is 10 hours away, I don't really know what to expect, and what if this isn't really where I am supposed to be, is there a "place" that we are really supposed to be? Or do you just go where you feel is best and God takes it from there? Questions and questions, it seems they never stop. It's difficult also because this school is unaccredited and nontraditional...it's different from the normal four year degree expectations everyone has of you. Ministry is a huge step of faith...and it always seems to be in question...where, how, when...why? Oh but apart from all worries...I am so absolutely thrilled to begin. And did I mention that they work in the area of my passion? COFFEE...aaahh yeaaah.

Coffee...Friday night we hosted our second Coffee House...people ask how it went, and well "good" doesn't aptly describe it...but neither does "bad" or "challenging" ...I guess the best way for me to put it, is that it just simply "went" I think God was really testing me as I struggled to keep my focus on the ministry instead of the logistics of putting on something good. Up until the night before I didn't know whether we would have an espresso machine or not...But thanks to the He-Brews and Cornerzone coffee shop ministry we were provided with an espresso machine and 3 amazing baristas. They went through so much to make sure that our night went down...not to mention their amazing musical abilities. This year included an art gallery along with the live music. About half way through the night, our drink orders were stacking up quite quickly and all of the sudden our espresso machine dramatically quite working...but about 5 guys and a bag of tools later it was up and running...A blessing in disguise because they needed the machine working for Fire-up this weekend, it would have been pretty bad if it had broken down there. Is it not interesting how God kind of just flows through everything?

Alex making coffee... Anna And Josh singing...

The Lovely Grace and her daughter Hosanna...

Beautiful Hannah and her awesome friend Rene...

Josh and Luke...Dancing, dancing!

So as you can see our Coffee House was quite crazy, fun, hectic, all in the name of our LORD.

This has taken me way longer to write than I expected...But I am so happy that I am writing that I don't even care...I love my blogging times...even though lately they are few and far in between...Sometimes when life keeps filling up your head and your heart you just forget to write...its like not taking the herbs when your ill...

Side note: while writing this the power went out, the computer shut off...and I was so disappointed that I lost my hard-worked-on post...Thank God and Blogspot for a beautiful thing called AUTOSAVE....gotta love this high-tech world.

A few pictures

2009-04-05T12:53:00.007-04:00

I have left the beautiful islands...and I miss them already....especially Kihei...

I am quite tired so not much to write but I shall put some pictures up...

Hana, Sean I mean seth, chikens, Isaac, kihei, tired incoherent-ness

2009-04-02T04:26:00.013-04:00

I bring this to you at the end of another long but lovely day from Maui...

Today my aunt and I got up bright and early to go ziplining...which was a surprise/msytery for me, basically because she knew that if she told me I wouldn't have gone...But I am really glad that I did, it was a fun beautiful experience. I wasn't scared or sick so that's a huge plus...Not to mention the hilarious tour guides, they kept things very entertaining and light...Not to mention the one who practically professed his undying love to me and rescued me twice from the perilous heights...haha, I was a little too light (go figure?!) for two of the lines so I didn't quite make it all the way up the platform....so yeah...Hey, he also picked me a flower...but I kind of threw it in the ditch, apparently that when the break up occured...haha ;)

Tonight was my last gathering with the Kihei Calvary Chapel...I had such an amazing night...we had dinner outside, and then service after...The worship was so incredible...God is breathing very much through His people in that community...I stayed after talking with students...One of the girls really took an interest in my life, she prayed with and for me twice...I could see God strongly working in her...These people were such a blessing...I will never forget that experience.

Time for some more pictures....

The awesome road to Hana...probably my favorite part so far...

A wild Hawiian chiken on the way to Hana...they are everywhere...along with the cats...

This was on the sailboat...the dude is Isaac...my Grandmother was convinced that he was madly in love with me...not true...but he was cool and had gone through Youth With A Mission...

Alright...I wanted to get a few more pictures up...but they are taking a long time to load...and I am so tired!

Peace

Hanging loose with hawaiin cats

2009-03-29T23:54:00.011-04:00

Aloha from another favorite city...Kihei!

I love this culture and I love this town...its small and casual...its great...

We spent today journeying through the road to Hana...So awesome and so beautiful...this road winds ( and I mean literally, dangerously winds! ) around the island of Maui...Along the way we (I, haha) decided to take a side road down into some so called town...welllll this town was like the mountian folk of the Tennessee foothills..there were some odd people with some odd living conditions in the middle of the forest...they were also like drinking..so we deffinatly turned around and got out of there...but that was a highlight of the day...But let me just tell you that the culture throughout the mountains is so awesome...everyone is so laid back, there are a ton of farms..lots of cattle, a few horses...WILD CATS...and roosters everywhere..these animals dont really belong to anyone they just roam around wild...its so cool.

I had the best night yesterday...I went to Kihei Calvary Chapel to attend some unplugged kind of service...well I get there and the whole building is dark and so I walked around just to make sure and I saw a light under one of the back doors so I opened it and there were all these college students sitting around a table eating dinner, they instantly welcomed me and gave me food..My aunt came in with me and they just loved talking to her...They were so amazing! So I stayed with them for a few hours watching a movie and eating hawaiin ice cream (which is soo good)...then I went home...but I plan to hang out with them again this week...I loved them soo much!

Alright now for some photos...
This is one of the wild hawaiin cats...I have been informed that I am not on any condition allowed to try and catch one, or attempt to bring it home....yeah.

This is in Hana..overlooking the pacific

Peace and hang loose lovas...

5,280 Feet Above Sea Level

2009-03-26T19:12:00.006-04:00

Well...I leave the beautiful snowland of marquette to begin my journey to Hawaii...And I find myself in the middle of a snow storm...pretty crazy...Denver has been in the 60s and 70s for about two months, apparently they haven't had more than 4 inches of snow all year...Ahem, not today...

I guess the spring blossoms should have held on a little longer...As now they are ice covered.

I just have to laugh at the irony of it all...crazy, crazy...but supposedly tomorrow I shall be on a plane bound for warm breezes, sunburns, blue water, and white sand...

We shall see about that...

Fallin asleep in Denver

2009-03-26T02:27:00.003-04:00

So...It has been quite a while since I have been here...

Today I turned 18...and there are so many things I could say about that but I won't. Life is moving, I am breathing.

Today I flew to Denver...I am staying with my aunt and grandparents..Friday we fly to Hawaii...So I shall hopefully be recording my journey and movements...I hope to keep some photos flowing along with some words....

I cannot believe that michigan is so far away...

Movement

2009-03-11T15:51:00.000-04:00

The sun is pouring down on me while I sit here trying to catch this blog up…with a nice mug of green tea. Yes, I know it has been such a while since I have written…I have a collection of excuses, mainly along the lines of I just couldn’t write, couldn’t find the inspiration, or the time, or motivation…blah blah…But I am back now.
The past few weeks have brought on so many changes and movements…all which I am very happy took place…These weeks have been hard, heart-breaking, confusing, frustrating, elating, violent, peaceful…full of joy. And I am happy to report that I am once again moving…breathing…
So I have begun attending a new bible study at a café/venue here in Marquette…I have fallen in love with the people and the ministry…At first just my sister and I were attending and meeting some new people...but week by week it has been growing as a lot of our friends and other students have been coming…I am so excited for what God is doing in this place with our people.
Today I started reading "Surprised by Hope" by N.T. Wright…I am only a few pages in…but his concepts and ideas seem very interesting…So I shall be writing about that later. I also finished Rob Bell’s "Velvet Elvis" …LOVE that book…please go and get a copy. It is one of the best books I have read…plus I just love Rob Bell so yeah.

There is so much I want to say…so much that I would like to express…I am just having a hard time doing that in words…So many relationships have been healing and it brings me such joy! I am so happy to have a couple of my close friends back that I had lost…I love them so much…and I am glad to be deepening my friendships with others as well…This is the time of healing.

I am soon to fill out my application for the Alliance Church in Indiana…I am so sure that this is where I am supposed to be…I always told people that I could never picture myself in any given place, doing any given thing, with any given person…I said that I was lucky if I could see myself doing next week! I can finally see myself living in the midst of His ministry…and I can see myself becoming through the ministry school in Indiana…I am still praying about this all the time, I am still keeping my mind and heart open to other options. My dad and I are going to drive down there sometime after I return from Hawaii to meet the people and for my interview. This prospect brings so much happiness to my heart and soul.

Well my tea is almost gone…and I have other things to get done before I head out for the night…I wish all of you much peace and love.

Seconds from losing it...

2009-03-02T22:14:00.005-05:00

Goodness time is elapsing away in between my writing...That is quite ok with me, because I have had nothing of importance...(that I feel like posting) to write about...I still don't, but at least I can say that I am in a higher mood and able to write with a bit more freedom.

Keep b r e a t h i n g oh people that I love...for in your breathing you are saying the name of God...And do not take the LORD your God's name in vain...And so when I stop to watch life and progression I see so many breaths taken in vain...so many life sustaining movements that are sustaining nothing of true movement...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0AD4xwxeeHU

Our skin was formed from dust and our life and spirit was the breath of God...We are fragile, that is how we were created...So why is it that brokenness and fragility are so looked down upon? Why is it that everyone is just seconds away from losing it...but no one really knows...we all assume...we all help spread the rumours behind all kinds of breaking backs...all the while even us ourselves are so close to falling apart. We have been conditioned to believe that our fragility is a sign of our misplaced trust, our weak faith, our sins, the bondage of evil...and really I do not believe that is true...It is for freedom that Christ has set us f r e e... The freedom that is breathed into our beings...L I V E...free...L I V E....real....L I V E...truth.

Dawn Is Here...

2009-02-27T10:21:00.004-05:00

We got a snowstorm! Yes...I really love the snow...I really just love this city. It is so very windy right now...I would like to go down to the lake and see the waves..they must be high.

Last night amidst the strong melodies, laughing, dancing children, and coffee, was the unmistakable presence of the Holy Spirit...there is nothing like coming together and worshiping in Spirit and in Truth...it brings such life and movement to my soul...From the inside I can start to feel myself wake up. How beautiful it is to see joy, hope, love, and peace captivating the hearts of all who were in that room...the little children, the parents, the youth, the leaders....how amazing it is to be in community with those who love Jesus. I wish that I could just pour out in words what took place there...So much joy to be in the middle of reality, honesty, and complete beauty. I also wish I had pictures to post...I really need to start taking my camera with me. Let us keep breathing...

My soul holds so much right now...How I wish I could just transform all the movement into words...I want to record how it is that my breath goes in and out...how this world keep on spinning. One thing I know is that God is everywhere...and everything is spiritual...Those who say there is no God continue to breath and in their breathing they are saying His name...the artist knows how bizarre their own mind is and out of their deep movements they produce worship whether they intend to or not...How wonderful that He is flowing through this world.

I believe that Indiana is where I am to go...I think that this internship is what I need to do...So pray. The only thing holding me back is this city I love...My heart feels almost tied to Marquette. But I will be home at breaks so I suppose it will not be so bad.

Well the sun has just broke through the grey clouds! This makes me so happy...and my tea is gone...maybe time to make more...But anyway I shall bring this to a close...May you live today..and breathe...may you know the deep Love that He holds for you...and may you continue on in His transcendent peace. Blessings. Shalom.

Ambient

2009-02-25T11:56:00.003-05:00

There is an underlying hope in my soul today...and it is growing like excitement.

Today as I was leaving class one of the guidance counselors stopped me in the hall to ask how I was doing and such. He always takes time to talk with me if he sees me...he is always asking about my plans and future hopes...So we were talking about my Indiana vs. Northern choice, and he asked quite a bit about the Muncie Alliance Church internship. It is interesting talking with him about what I am doing, because he is not a Christian yet he is always so interested in what I believe and why...He was telling me about his brother who he referred to as a "born again Christian" ..that made me smile...Apparently he knows a lot of people who do missionary kind of work in other countries...But anyway towards the end of the conversation he just stopped and looked at me and then said, "This is what I suggest you do...you don't have to listen to me because It's just what I think, but do you want to know?" ...and of course I leaped at the opportunity for any kind of direction....he just said this "Go to Indiana" ...and that was it...like he said it in such an assuring, confident way. Almost like he knew exactly where I was supposed to be...And this is coming from a high school guidance counselor...those people are usually interested in getting you into college...and he was supportive of the idea of not attending a college...I found it all very encouraging..especially from someone who is not a Christian, he was telling me to go further the world for Christ basically. I know that God speaks through people all the time, and when he said "Go to Indiana" the first thing that rushed through my mind was..."Oh my God! ....you just answered my prayers" I guess I can't say for sure that it was God telling me where to go...but I do believe that all this collective encouragement must mean something...and the thought of God speaking through and using my high school guidance counselor thrills me. So that is my very long update on my future progress.

Today is one month exactly until I turn 18....haha I am so not sure why I am writing that but I am waiting on some kind of brilliance to come. I leave for Hawaii on my birthday...

Ok so this whole writing project is supposed to be about my progressing, moving, breathing, growing, learning, creating, being healthy....and so on...Lately I have not been doing that, so my apologies..but at the same time I think that it is ok to recognize those times when you aren't doing so well..when life seems it's at a stand still...or when breathing just becomes quite shallow. This journal is about life...and so guess what...I am going to write about it!

Time for some discoveries....

I came by this today and thought it was pretty awesome
http://www.jedidiahusa.com/home
I love how they are using artists to bring peace and love on earth...Jedidiah has aligned themselves with many musical artists such as Haste The Day, Josh Garrels, and Anberlin...they are also working through traditional artists, athletes, and a clothing line to bring the message of hope to our world.

This band is from Reykjavik, Iceland...and they are just so cute! there is something fun and sunshiny about their music
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewProfile&friendID=6948483
Cat Piano is probably my favorite song...how adorable!

Time I bring this to a close...

Conclusion- There is no greater Joy than that of Jesus

Just a bit...

2009-02-23T21:00:00.002-05:00

The sun was shining so much today! For that I am very grateful...

So today, I found my missing paintings...A lady called me and said that she gave them to her husband who has them at his photography shop...I picked them up today, and I apparently won an award. I guess my art teacher has it and I shall get it tomorrow at school. I am quite excited! This is my first time ever entering my art in anything. I love art very much...

Lately I have been feeling as if my project here has been very lacking...As if I am not accomplishing what I had set out to do, or maybe not moving enough. But atleast I know that God is moving...that I can see and feel...

Sunday night our youth minister Brandon did one of the most touching illustrations I have seen in a long time...He put a chair on the stage and asked the students to one by one go up, stand on the chair and tell everyone why they believe in Jesus and what it means to them...I cannot describe to you how beautiful it was to see these people that I have spent so much of my life with go up and honestly pour their hearts out...I was crying! At the end Brandon said that something that I will probably never forget..."If no one ever says this to you again...atleast I have...Tonight I saw Jesus in every one of you" ....yeaaaaah thats when I lost it...haha...good tears though!

My Movement...

2009-02-21T21:15:00.002-05:00

There is much I wish to write about...many happenings and moments I would like to record...All that I need now is some order of thought...

Today was the art show at our lovely little island...I ended up entering five of my painting...all which are a bit missing in action...I went back after the art show was over and there was no sign of people or my art work...hmm...? Oh well they shall turn up soon, Marquette isn't that big...I mean someone out of 20,000 people must have them! But anyway back to the art show...My sister, Jimme, Jordan, and I hiked around the island observing the quite interesting and at times odd art pieces. At one point the trail breaks off leading to a look out balcony that is basically on a cliff a few hundred feet about the lake...Oh my goodness talk about spiritually moving! You could see so far out onto the ice-covered Superior...you could see the dangerously high, sharp cliffs...They are literally straight down into deep deep water...So beautiful! This is one of my favorite places to be in the summer, and I have actually never experienced it in the dead of winter...After our art-filled, snowy, hike we ventured down to Dead River Coffee....Oh how I love that place in all its bizarre-ness...Every time I go there the coffee I order never tastes as it should or as it is expected to taste...their espresso shots are strong! There is so much to see there, the walls and every free space if filled with random objects....I never fail to find something new and completely questionable. Today I found a old rubber chicken stuffed in a black little girl's dress shoe.....? This was just set on the front counter like it was always meant to be just there. Last time I found a miniature book of remedies handwritten and illustrated...Let's just say that a few of the "remedies" were a bit, um....weird? described in a "colourful" way...haha...it was great....Oh I know you really don't care any more, especially at this point...but let me just add for myself the fact that they have a tied up bouquet of roses hanging by the door...I love that.

I am reading The Yellow Wallpaper...again....again.................again

Life is moving and progressing for me...I find it interesting when people say that life at times feels so stagnant or still...I have almost never felt life to be still...just myself. It seems that no matter how my heart is broken, or over-filled with joy, life keeps its movement. Sometimes it even feels cruel that it should move leaving me behind...and then sometimes I am glad that it does. See, I myself may feel so still...but even then it almost is never a peaceful still...The only still I know to be true and restful is the still of faith in our God. I often wonder about time and how it is to be used...Ecclesiastes tells of a time for everything...but I do not think that we take the time or even realize the time for everything....So often I just wish to keep moving restlessly with the flow of life...but there must be a time for grief...right? There must be a time to rest? I think that I have spent much time filling every aspect of my life with movement and progression, but maybe now is not the time for that movement...I never took the time to grieve for the things that have been torn from me...I never took the time to rest...I just swallowed what was handed without question. And then I started moving and trying not to stop...Still is almost something fearful, for still holds the thoughts that never seem to have an end. Rest is hard for me...grief is hard for me...because I have never viewed it as a means to an end. Maybe I am scared of becoming consumed, or losing control. I believe that grief is like a series of unanswerable questions that have aroused from some sort of loss or pain. And it feels as though it will never end until all answers are found...I think that is what I am afraid of. So I just skipped that whole stage.

On with living...Soon it will be time for some major decisions to be made. Indiana or Marquette...MAC internship or NMU English program....How do you chose? How do you ever really know? I feel a very strong pull to the ministry internship down and Muncie Alliance Church in Indiana...My heart lies in living community of His people...My passion flows for the ministering of wandering hearts...How will I live...where will I end up? Where is the balance or line between complete trust in God and being realistic and responsible in your choices? So many questions and uncertainties...Please pray for me.

Oh I have such hope and Joy in my heart...though I miss dear beloved ones...though I struggle with uncertainty and heaviness...What strong Love God has inlaid in my heart...How peaceful is His certainty. Please recognize what Joy is...and please don't ever let the world tear who He has woven you to be out of you.

This is such a long post...I honestly don't even know what I am writing about anymore...I just keep letting words drip out of my fingertips as they form words on my keyboard...at times I will realize that I'm not exactly sure where I am going with any of this...I don't even know how much of this is coherent...Oh well that is me...deal.

Update on my reading progress of Velvet Elvis...Read this book people...you don't have to agree with it...you can get get edgy, frustrated, confused...I hope you do...because this is why I follow Christ...This is why what I believe is truth...Because my God is big enough for all the questions...maybe religion isn't. My God can handle what we can't...maybe religion won't...My God wants and takes all honesty...sometimes religion doesn't like that so much...honesty tends to be messy...and there are so many ways of Christianity...so many ways to believe the writings of the Bible...But in the end we who follow Jesus believe that He died for us...that Salvation came through his death and our belief in Him...And we can all wrestle, contemplate, discuss, our faith. There is room for doubt, room for questions, and there is room for everyone...That is Love...that is Truth...This is our Movement and this is how we Live...Let the progression of Jesus move on!

Oh goodness...It is time for me to bring all these restless thoughts to a close...I love you ever so much...May you all Live on in the movement of His Love and Peace...

Shall we take a turn about the room?

2009-02-19T23:37:00.003-05:00

I have nothing to say. Go read my wordpress.

Conclusion of today: I am not coherent but dramatic...how accomplished a woman I am....Darcy are you not tempted in the least bit?

Progressions...

2009-02-18T15:57:00.005-05:00

This city is quickly filling up with new snow...And so the progression of winter continues...How I love watching it gather up around the window panes and bottoms of the trees. The roads are quite treacherous though, so please stay safe if you are living and driving here.

The painting is coming along...

I'm hoping to finish this piece...and show it at the Glacier Glide art showing....

It has been good to have my brushes in paint again...I have no idea why but I tend to just slip out of my artistic habits...maybe in the pursuit of something I think better? Which never really works out. But I am back to painting now...so goes this progression.

I read a lot...I love finding new places and topics to read about...Wandering about the library and searching blogs is a favorite of mine...I cannot even remember how I come about the things that I do but here are some interesting things I have found today...

http://www.enthos.net/

They have such interesting clothing...read up on who they are and their business, I think you will find it quite interesting. Let me also add that they have amazing graphic design and web design...Art anyone? mmhmmm

Music review for the day-

http://www.joshgarrels.com/

Check it! the perfect eclectic/acoustic/ambient/coffee house music...Josh blends together his unique thick voice with folkish guitar patterns and jazz influenced rhythms. He often sounds as if he is experimenting with world touched melodies. But that was all said while listening to one song..now that the next is playing, I am not so sure. See this man definitely has his style, and I love it..because it is so simply un-nameable. This is music for the progression of living and breathing...

Progression of art...may I bring to you intrigue and fascination...

http://www.zackandgalabent.com/

...Two artist who are best friends...and married. They have such evocative work, I have no words to try and describe it...you must go see for yourself.

I think that the earth has collected a few more inches of snow since I began this...Everyday writing is different...Some days all thoughts and realizations come pouring forth, seemingly out of nowhere...and then some days it is a slow drip of consciousness, as today is...

Conclusion: Today is a day of progressions.

Day One...

2009-02-17T19:25:00.002-05:00

I am laughing right now...because my head just said to me..."wait, what are you attempting to do again?" ...to which I reply.."EXACTLY!". Yes, so my apologies ahead of time for a potentially pointless and disappointing post...I really have no idea what the purpose of this was... At all, but regardless here goes the stream of living...

Today I dumped my paints and brushes across the table...and stared at the blank paper...then I proceeded to go on Facebook. Nothing like facebook to further kill any last hope of inspiration. I mean it's literally going from contemplating expressions, colours, shapes, and thoughts to "Susie is: PARTY TONIGHT!!!" or "Brad: just ate lunch" ...so much to work from there. There is a happy ending to this story though, I did start two paintings...one is grey with some kind of amber grass, the other just has greyish black swirls..they are nothing yet. I am also submitting a few paintings in a winter art exhibit on presque isle...this Saturday I believe.

Accomplishment numero dos...I GOT TO GO RUNNING TODAY! first time since around October! I made a little over two miles...not amazing, but amazing feeling. Running has been in my dreams, capturing my thoughts, and this grey afternoon I finally got to reunite with my dear love...In running my body, mind, and heart are opened to the deep energy that flows through us all...I am awakened again to the restless spirituality He has laid in our veins. My feet are playing in tune with the earth, my breathing is thoughtless and rhythmic...Such release.

Currently reading Velvet Elvis by Rob Bell...I shall be writing about that soon...

Conclusion of day one: Everything is spiritual...and life is better living in the rhythm of His Love and Peace.

The Project of Living...

2009-02-16T14:31:00.008-05:00

This new place of writing for me has excited my desire to expand, live, learn, and grow...Here I begin my project of living creatively. I am filled with joy for the possibilities and opportunities ahead of me, but at the same time finding myself a bit hesitant. Why? I wonder...Part of me feels as if I will not follow through, or this may be just a momentary rush of inspiration that could quickly die off at any disappointment or indication of monotony. In any case I have created this new blog as a place for me to write and post what I am learning, the places I am going and seeing, the people I meet, how my life is becoming, and just my general oddness. I will still be keeping up my wordpress: http://www.apeacefulstill.wordpress.com/ That is my place of literature, poetry, journals, and random thoughts.

Today is the day I begin my journey in searching for new ways to live creatively...new ways to see God...new ways to live...new ways to breathe...

Stay with me as I share in what God is unveiling to me...the things I will be creating...what I will be learning...what is influencing me...where my life is going...

I pray that you also may start your own journey in finding who you are in God...may you be inspired and encouraged by what I have to say and share. And may you experience the joy of living in the midst of His shalom.